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Sunday, March 12, 2006

Reflections

I know I've been quiet lately. I've just been sitting back. Saying things when I need to. But other than that....

Plus, I feel like I should only say something when there is wisdom or some observation to impart.

I've been thinking a lot about mirrors.

What do we see reflected? Some see what's actually in front of them. But those are rare. Some see a distorted version of themselves. Either they see themselves as out of shape or they see something that is greater than what they are.

I wish I could say I can stand in front of a mirror and actually see myself. But that wouldn't be very truthful. Mind you, I see aspects of who I am...But just little bits and pieces at a time. Most of what I see is what I loathe most.

But the mirror in my bathroom wasn't really the object of most torture for me.

A one way mirror. You know the very one I'm talking about.

How many times have I stood in front of him there...Without actually seeing him behind it...But I knew he was standing right in front of me.

And just standing there. Our gazes locked. For me, it's like...He's looking at the embodiment of all his darkest shadows, and what he could have become when he stares at me.

It's not the fault of the glass that I can't see through it. My own darkness clouds it. But I can imagine all that I could have become. And I remember what that looks like.


It serves a purpose. It's sobering. But I need that every now and again. Brings it in focus.

It doesn't allow my reflection to get distorted. It makes sure I see myself what I am. The things in my life that has brought me here....

And every time I see my reflection. How badly I want him to be standing on the other side of the glass.

One can hope...One can dream...But only the fools rely on those hopes and dreams. That they will come reality.

But that's just a distorted reflection.

Makes me wish for a magic mirror with all the answers. But that would be too easy.

Lord knows I can't have anything come easy.....

6 Comments:

At 1:04 AM, Blogger Gorengyrl said...

I know I don't always like what I see in the mirror either. No, I'm not talking about my looks or anything either, just like you aren't. We all wish we had a magic mirror. Hell if we did we could probably change things in the past. That would definately be nice. But it can't be done.

 
At 7:08 AM, Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

And there is the source of your fascination with each other - you both see in the mirror of each other's souls what you each could have become. Human beings are very fragile as you well know and the line that divides the good from the evil is very fine. You look into the mirror from one side of the line, he looks into the mirror from the other - a very apt metaphor. I don't think the answers you are looking for will come from the mirror or the man on the other side. You are going to have to look into your own soul and take some responsibility for what is there. Yes, you are a victim, but you are also a perpetrator. Your victimization doesn't excuse the things you have done. Grace is there for you too, but it doesn't come cheap or easy. The man on the other side of the mirror can't save your soul. Only you can do that.
Kate+

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger VDOFan said...

Ahh..................Mirrors suck.. but you MUST look in them to see the person that you really are and that you have become. But.. we always want what we can't hvae and unfortunately for you that means you can't have Bobby. But stranger things have happened, and things always change, so we do never know.

and you are one lucky biotch:) You get to be in MY INTERROGATION ROOM:) with him:) LOL!

YOU GO GIRL! :) Anyway, I finally linked ya to my blog.. :)

Have a great day!
hugs janice

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger Shadow of a Joke said...

I wish I could say I can stand in front of a mirror and actually see myself.

That would be impossible, the human body is not a symitrical. A refelexion is never what you are, it's not even how other people see you.

 
At 8:39 PM, Blogger Nicole Wallace said...

Perhaps what I see reflected is a metaphor for failure

 
At 8:25 AM, Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

Interesting choice of word . . .
Kate+

 

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